Post by loveless on Mar 7, 2023 20:57:19 GMT
Mine are 13 and 17, and I can mainly say that - environmentally, as well as technologically - they are living in an entirely different world than I did. I wouldn't even think to stamp my feet about it, cause...it just is.
Now, they have plenty of their own autonomy - both of them routinely go on walks or take public transportation of their own initiative, so...plugged in or not, they seem to require some airing out and I don't need to force it on them. My oldest (in spite of his neurological uniquenesses) has no trouble making plans with his cousins or his aunt - his time and money math may be lacking, but his ability to stage his own outside events seems perfectly correct. And his issues with peers? Shit - they'd be far worse minus phones and computers. His younger brother has friends who have moved away that he keeps in touch with via the optic fiber, and a friend in the neighborhood with whom he autonomously makes plans.
NOW - we do have a family network on our phones that keeps tabs on locations (I call it the snitch cam), but we really only use it to time meal prep effectively (and, yeah, we once caught our youngest ditching school - HE'S the one who insisted we install the app...when he was 9, I think). Fact is, the world has changed so much that they aren't necessarily LOOKING for the same kind of trouble I was at their ages. The ambience around a lot of things is not what it was (I mean, "legal weed"...). I can't imagine telling them that I used to hop trains at 10/11 and scolding them for not finding trains to hop.
I was a middle child, so...I got the worst of my older sister having been a wild child (she was - chronologically and behaviorally - one of the kids in Over the Edge). SHE left home at 15. So...while I reckon my parents were far too strict with me, I can kind of see it now. The sins of the sibling, and all that. I ran away at 17 which was maybe less of a huge deal, and also may have led to my parents having full on senioritis when it came to my little brother - they were all out of fucks to give when he hit junior high and high school.
Now, technology? For me it was books, television (Jesus, MTV was pure smack to the 13 year old I was when we got cable), and - more than anything else - music (playing, listening, obsessing). I have to assume there were a LOT of hours in my room with a guitar between 11-17, and...they couldn't really do a TON about it. I don't think they'd have preferred me on the street (fact: they didn't), and my disinclination towards sports was pretty firm and impenetrable. I don't think they cared about that. They DID punish me by taking away instruments, stereo equipment, concert tickets, that sort of thing. Would I have fared differently with teenage/pre-teen internet access? I dunno - I think obsessive behavior will find its outlet. The sheer number of hours I spent on the landline phone at peak phone ages...as I say, I think you find your drugs (and then you find your drugs).
In terms of pushing interests on them? You know, they grew up in a house full of instruments and records, but I insisted to my wife that they had all the access they'd ever need, and that we weren't EVER going to push them. They eventually picked up instruments on their own steam. My oldest is the classic "Thankfully, he found a drum kit to beat on cause of his specific energies" case you always read about.
Attention spans, self-control, self-discipline, and focus? I'm as worried about mine as I am about theirs. I think the phones are AN OUTLET for those issues, but...I don't think this is the first generation of teens and adolescents to have issues in those areas.
Now, they have plenty of their own autonomy - both of them routinely go on walks or take public transportation of their own initiative, so...plugged in or not, they seem to require some airing out and I don't need to force it on them. My oldest (in spite of his neurological uniquenesses) has no trouble making plans with his cousins or his aunt - his time and money math may be lacking, but his ability to stage his own outside events seems perfectly correct. And his issues with peers? Shit - they'd be far worse minus phones and computers. His younger brother has friends who have moved away that he keeps in touch with via the optic fiber, and a friend in the neighborhood with whom he autonomously makes plans.
NOW - we do have a family network on our phones that keeps tabs on locations (I call it the snitch cam), but we really only use it to time meal prep effectively (and, yeah, we once caught our youngest ditching school - HE'S the one who insisted we install the app...when he was 9, I think). Fact is, the world has changed so much that they aren't necessarily LOOKING for the same kind of trouble I was at their ages. The ambience around a lot of things is not what it was (I mean, "legal weed"...). I can't imagine telling them that I used to hop trains at 10/11 and scolding them for not finding trains to hop.
I was a middle child, so...I got the worst of my older sister having been a wild child (she was - chronologically and behaviorally - one of the kids in Over the Edge). SHE left home at 15. So...while I reckon my parents were far too strict with me, I can kind of see it now. The sins of the sibling, and all that. I ran away at 17 which was maybe less of a huge deal, and also may have led to my parents having full on senioritis when it came to my little brother - they were all out of fucks to give when he hit junior high and high school.
Now, technology? For me it was books, television (Jesus, MTV was pure smack to the 13 year old I was when we got cable), and - more than anything else - music (playing, listening, obsessing). I have to assume there were a LOT of hours in my room with a guitar between 11-17, and...they couldn't really do a TON about it. I don't think they'd have preferred me on the street (fact: they didn't), and my disinclination towards sports was pretty firm and impenetrable. I don't think they cared about that. They DID punish me by taking away instruments, stereo equipment, concert tickets, that sort of thing. Would I have fared differently with teenage/pre-teen internet access? I dunno - I think obsessive behavior will find its outlet. The sheer number of hours I spent on the landline phone at peak phone ages...as I say, I think you find your drugs (and then you find your drugs).
In terms of pushing interests on them? You know, they grew up in a house full of instruments and records, but I insisted to my wife that they had all the access they'd ever need, and that we weren't EVER going to push them. They eventually picked up instruments on their own steam. My oldest is the classic "Thankfully, he found a drum kit to beat on cause of his specific energies" case you always read about.
Attention spans, self-control, self-discipline, and focus? I'm as worried about mine as I am about theirs. I think the phones are AN OUTLET for those issues, but...I don't think this is the first generation of teens and adolescents to have issues in those areas.