Post by nolamike on Jan 25, 2019 15:45:52 GMT
So, apologies - I posted this same thing on BCB, but I'm a bit of a (good) mess right now, and you fuckers are my support system (I also didn't want to post this on Facebook, as I don't want my adoptive family to get the wrong idea). Anyway:
As some of you may know, I was adopted. If you didn't know, it's certainly not because I tried to hide the fact - for as long as I can remember, my parents and I always celebrated my having been adopted, and it honestly filled me with pride as a child ("they CHOSE me, other parents are stuck with the kids that are born to them," etc.). Apart from a very few short-lived moments following impetuous teenaged arguments with my adoptive parents ("I bet my REAL dad is, like, Bruce Springsteen, and he wouldn't give me shit!"), I never really had any interest in seeking out my biological family; I suppose I just always felt happy with the family that adopted me, and didn't want to muddle things up by acknowledging that I have another family somewhere out there.
It wasn't until I had a child of my own, when I started becoming more curious about my own biological makeup (answering those "family history" questions on medical forms really brings that front and center, doesn't it?). I was adopted in New York, and they have a system by which an adoptive child can get non-identifying health information on their biological parents... but lo and behold, when I wrote in over a decade ago, I received a response that all of the records related to my adoption were apparently destroyed in an arson incident at a document storage facility at some point in the 1990s (the missus jokes that I must be Damien, from the horror movie The Omen). I then contacted the hospital where I was born, in a half-hearted attempt to find some information, but the medical records from my birth were also long gone. I spoke with a PI specializing in adoption work, but didn't really want to spend the money (it would have started at $1,000, and likely been quite a bit more). Since then, over a decade has gone by, during which my mother passed away, and my father's age and medical problems are catching up to him, so I've become more receptive to the idea of reaching out to any biological relatives that may be out there... so after a great deal of thought, I took a DNA test, and this morning, I found the results in my inbox.
No, I didn't have a direct match with a biological parent... but I have one with a woman described as being a "close relative," possibly a SIBLING and no more distant than a first cousin, and two matches with people who are either first or possibly second cousins. I've reached out to them (obviously not sharing the full story - it would be pretty shitty to find out that an aunt or uncle had a surprise kid via a first email), and we'll see where it goes.... I'm a giant ball of emotion right now... I'm happy and nervous, shaking and on the verge of tears, and my heart is pounding... if I don't get responses for days or weeks (or even ever), well, I don't know how I'll handle it...
I should add, for context, that I have nothing but gratitude and thanks for my biological family, for choosing to give me up for adoption - I was adopted as an infant by a wonderful, loving family, and my childhood could not have been better, and my relationship with my adoptive parents ("real parents") could not have been better. I'm not necessarily seeking any sort of significant relationship with my biological family (I'm not necessarily opposed to it, either; I guess I'm not quite sure what I'd like to come from it). Mostly, I guess, I'm just curious to find out a little bit of history about my biological side, and honestly, to thank them for going through with the adoption, and let them know things turned out great for me... we'll see where this goes.
As some of you may know, I was adopted. If you didn't know, it's certainly not because I tried to hide the fact - for as long as I can remember, my parents and I always celebrated my having been adopted, and it honestly filled me with pride as a child ("they CHOSE me, other parents are stuck with the kids that are born to them," etc.). Apart from a very few short-lived moments following impetuous teenaged arguments with my adoptive parents ("I bet my REAL dad is, like, Bruce Springsteen, and he wouldn't give me shit!"), I never really had any interest in seeking out my biological family; I suppose I just always felt happy with the family that adopted me, and didn't want to muddle things up by acknowledging that I have another family somewhere out there.
It wasn't until I had a child of my own, when I started becoming more curious about my own biological makeup (answering those "family history" questions on medical forms really brings that front and center, doesn't it?). I was adopted in New York, and they have a system by which an adoptive child can get non-identifying health information on their biological parents... but lo and behold, when I wrote in over a decade ago, I received a response that all of the records related to my adoption were apparently destroyed in an arson incident at a document storage facility at some point in the 1990s (the missus jokes that I must be Damien, from the horror movie The Omen). I then contacted the hospital where I was born, in a half-hearted attempt to find some information, but the medical records from my birth were also long gone. I spoke with a PI specializing in adoption work, but didn't really want to spend the money (it would have started at $1,000, and likely been quite a bit more). Since then, over a decade has gone by, during which my mother passed away, and my father's age and medical problems are catching up to him, so I've become more receptive to the idea of reaching out to any biological relatives that may be out there... so after a great deal of thought, I took a DNA test, and this morning, I found the results in my inbox.
No, I didn't have a direct match with a biological parent... but I have one with a woman described as being a "close relative," possibly a SIBLING and no more distant than a first cousin, and two matches with people who are either first or possibly second cousins. I've reached out to them (obviously not sharing the full story - it would be pretty shitty to find out that an aunt or uncle had a surprise kid via a first email), and we'll see where it goes.... I'm a giant ball of emotion right now... I'm happy and nervous, shaking and on the verge of tears, and my heart is pounding... if I don't get responses for days or weeks (or even ever), well, I don't know how I'll handle it...
I should add, for context, that I have nothing but gratitude and thanks for my biological family, for choosing to give me up for adoption - I was adopted as an infant by a wonderful, loving family, and my childhood could not have been better, and my relationship with my adoptive parents ("real parents") could not have been better. I'm not necessarily seeking any sort of significant relationship with my biological family (I'm not necessarily opposed to it, either; I guess I'm not quite sure what I'd like to come from it). Mostly, I guess, I'm just curious to find out a little bit of history about my biological side, and honestly, to thank them for going through with the adoption, and let them know things turned out great for me... we'll see where this goes.